Trying to Claw My Way Back to My Good Habits

The last couple of weeks have been rough for me. Unexpected housing issues have plagued me for the last couple of months and came to a head these last two weeks.

I succumbed to my anxiety and depression and let them drag me back down into despair.

I had been doing pretty well this year. Considering that my boyfriend died last November after almost a year of battling brain cancer, I was holding it together better than I had expected to be.

I had established a few quality daily habits, including a writing one that morphed into publishing daily here at Medium. I had also been making progress on a knee injury and it was bothering me much less with daily attention to it.

One by one over the last few weeks my good habits fell away and I became more and more lost in the darkness.

Now I am trying to find my way out. One habit at a time. Daily writing was the last habit that I added into my rotation, but it is the first habit that I am trying to pick back up.

Tomorrow I’m getting back on the physical therapy bandwagon so my knee does not deteriorate any more than it already has. The pain has been returning, though it is still bearable.

The other habits I will add back in slowly as I inch back out of the dark thoughts and hopeless feelings.

This slide backward has been much shorter than previous ones. I have sometimes spent years lost in pain and suicidal ideation. This time it has been a few weeks and I’m already trying to pull myself back up.

That counts as progress to me.

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